What's shelf-stable, high in carbohydrate, and probably not representative of German cuisine?
Introduction to a series
Today we popped out to the local (45 minutes away) international food mart for some recreational shopping, and I had a brain wave: I write about the German tongue—so why not the German palate?
As it turns out, the German aisle was almost all sweet stuff, which strikes me as a little monotonous—especially during the holiday season, when my local cuisine takes a turn for the sugary anyway.
But I did pick out a few things, which I’ll post about throughout the month of December. Consider this post a Vorspeise.
Before we get to den deutschen Lebensmitteln, however, please look at all these spicy instant noodles. They’re manufactured variously in Malaysia, India, and Nepal. I won’t be posting any further about them (way too off-piste), but I anticipate enjoying them very much.
This, too is the joy of an international food mart.1
Ofner Stollen
Manufactured in Brazil from a “traditional German recipe,” this is larger and darker than the packaged stollen our family is accustomed to—and intriguingly un-iced.
Böhme Weinbrand Kirschen & Weinbrand Bohnen
Brandy-filled chocolates, with and without cherries. I’m fond of American-style cordial cherries, which are so boozeless they're halal; a spiked version seems transgressive and comfortingly traditional at the same time.
Mestemacher Pumpernickel
One of the few non-sweets in the aisle, this product leans hard into its health-food branding—and I believe it. It also advertises a long shelf life. The package contains seven 3-by-7-inch slabs.
Leibniz-Keks
Yes, they’re named for Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, Hanover’s local-boy-made-good—which is the very height of Teutonic Dichter-und-Denkerism. (The British don't eat Bertrand Russell Digestive Biscuits, you know?)2
S&F Chocolate Hazelnut Spread
This product is manufactured in Germany and imported by a Canadian company, hence the French on the label. The listed ingredients are generally the same as Nutella’s, but in a different order: hazelnuts are lower on the list. The jar is glass.
Schöfferhofer Watermelon Mint Hefeweizen
This was marked down 90%, which might be because it expires in ten days (though my shopping companion suggested another explanation). It’s apparently a mixture of beer and watermelon-mint soda. No word on whether this is an Actual German Thing or something created for the export market as a depraved parody of American taste.
Over the coming weeks, I’ll eat through these and post reviews of them, along with notes about the places and companies they’re associated with. It’ll be fun.
Did you know Buldak makes bottled hot sauce now? Not that I bought any—nowadays there are so many serious hot sauces that it’s not worth it to bother with an obvious gimmick.
And I, a college-educated American, can’t even name an American philosopher off the top of my head—let alone figure out what flavor of Oreos would be named after them.